The Midcoast, Midbest, Midwest

When I was four years old, my family moved from Bay Head (New Jersey) to Springfield (Missouri). I moved in with my mother’s parents (my grandparents) and took the bus from their house every morning for the first part of kindergarten. Once our house was finished I moved further north of town to 14 acres and a greenroofed glasshouse, I now refer to as home #2 — the home I grew up in. When I was 18, my family moved from Springfield (Missouri) to Washington (DC). I started working and found myself in Maryland for school and Massachusetts with my brother and sister in law for summer jobs.

I vividly see the faces and reactions when I would tell people, “I’m kind of from all over, I started life [after adoption] in New Jersey, but grew up in Missouri. AlsoIlivedinMassachusettsandMaryland, but currently I live in DC!” I can hear my voice say this statement with uncomfortableness as I describe New Jersey as a white beach town and irritable disdain & disgust as I talk about Missouri.

People have asked, What’s Missouri like? How was growing up there? My subtle-annoyed response is, “Missouri is White Bible Belt Christian Republicans*, tornadoes, and rocks.” Normally I get at least one chuckle that looms over my oversimplification of explaining my experience living in Missouri.

I was embarrassed to tell people I went to church camp almost every summer and sang Jesus-loving songs in the woods just like I was embarrassed to feel the need to defend myself and tell people that I and Missouri aren't Southern (despite the fact the Mason-Dixon line goes straight through a street called Division).

I was angry at all of the racist experiences I had with the “what are you,” paired with “where are you really from,” on top of the lack of Asian representation & culture in Missouri. I was angry at my white friends not being more understanding or ability to advocate for me and at my Asian friends for not having the exposure to the Asian culture they needed too.

I hated hearing about all of the wonderful experiences my coastal friends had — being being so close to the beach or being so close to NYC that they were “practically from the city” and all I could say to these faux-New Yorkers was “I grew up with cashew chicken, Brad Pitt, Lucas Grabeel (that guy from High School Musical), and by the way, Kansas City, Missouri is the better Kansas City."

I don’t look or talk like a “Missourian,” a “midwestern,” a “horse girl,” or a “small-town dreamer” but I am partially all of these things. I have gone back home for various reasons such as to see family, visit my at the time boyfriend, to see my besties, attend graduations, photogrpah weddings, say goodbye at funerals, to pick up my dog and through all of these events, I have started to appreciate my experience of growing up in the midcoast, moving away, and having the opportunity to keep growing with relationships I still have and cherish.

It’s been since summer of 2016 since I have officially lived in the Midwest and I don’t believe I will ever move back to Missouri but I see the uniqueness of growing up in the Midbest and feel more comfortable accepting this is my home -- including the hardships of being an Asian-American-Adoptee in a predominantly white state.

A reminder to everyone: you will find all of the stereotypes in every state. There will be rednecks, country bumpkins, North Eastern jerks, West Coast Burnouts, NYC wannabes, potheads, band nerds, hometown jocks, small-town dreamers, basic white boys, racist bigots, anti-vaxxers, sexists pigs, narcissistic tendencies, trauma survivors, Olympians, your best friends and hopefully everything in between.

Home is weird. Going home is weird. Leaving home is weird. Returning home is weird. Home moves. Home changes. Home is a part of you, you don’t want to accept yet. Home is where you are, where you grew up, and where you have yet to be. I hope that this home of mine will one day become a hidden gem of the Midwest that quickly trends on TikTok to show everyone that the Midcoast IS the Midbest and everyone from here should be proud to wear a MooMoo mask to represent the midwest.

*Writing this post I wasn’t even sure if these should be separated with commas or if I should add hyphens